Parental Influence in Relationships: How Much Is Too Much?

When Kemi started dating Tunde, everything felt perfect. They shared the same values, laughed at the same jokes, and had dreams that aligned beautifully, but there was one small challenge: Tunde’s mother was not thrilled about Kemi. At first, it was subtle comments about how “Tunde used to prefer light soup over egusi” or how she did not see why they needed to travel so much. Over time, those small remarks turned into louder opinions, and before long, Kemi started to wonder if their relationship had three people instead of two.

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Parental influence on relationships is a tale as old as time. From matchmaking to subtle disapproval, parents often play a role in shaping their children’s romantic lives. The key question is: How much influence is too much?

Parents are often our first teachers, shaping our understanding of love, respect, and partnership. Whether it is how they treat each other or the advice they give us about relationships, their influence runs deep.

On the flip side, not all parental influences are positive. If a parent models unhealthy dynamics—like controlling behaviour or poor communication, it can leave lasting effects on how we approach love.

While parental guidance can be helpful, it becomes problematic when parents try to control their adult children’s relationships. Parents often have good intentions, wanting what is best for their children. However, couples need to recognize when their parents’ involvement is no longer supportive but overbearing.

How to Navigate Parental Influence

A. Communicate Openly with Your Partner

If you are feeling pressure from your parents, share your feelings with your partner. They need to understand where you are coming from to avoid misunderstandings or resentment.

B. Respect, But Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential in any relationship. Let your parents know that while you value their advice, the final decisions about your relationship rest with you and your partner.

C. Know When to Seek Mediation

Sometimes, conflicts can become too big to handle alone. If parental disapproval is threatening your relationship, seeking help from a neutral third party—like a counsellor or trusted family friend—can help mediate and find common ground.

The strongest relationships are built on mutual understanding, respect, and shared goals. Parents may influence you but they should not dictate your relationship’s direction.

Think of it like driving a car. Your parents are in the passenger seat, offering guidance, but you and your partner hold the steering wheel. Together, you decide the destination.

Parental influence is natural, and often, it comes from a place of love. However, as adults, it is important to balance respect for our parents with the needs of our relationships. By setting boundaries, communicating openly, and focusing on what truly matters, you and your partner can thrive—no matter what challenges come your way.

After all, love is a journey and while parents may help pack the bags, it is you and your partner who decide the route.